The Folly of Fairweathered Fairness

gary c. rettinger

So this is one of those concepts that we all typically seem to have a very level understanding of from quite a young age yet we can find ourselves wanting to redefine fairness because "it only seems fair to us...this one time."  Ahhh, now that's just really easy to justify to one's self from time to time, isn't it?  Sometimes it's for the littlest of reasons that we may slip a bit down this very slippery slope nonetheless we're still sliding.  What we really have to see and feel in this situation is how this is affecting your life and the lives of those around you.  For that's what we can quite quickly give maybe a fleeting moment or two's thought to and that's it and we're done.  And it's done.  What's done?  You're done at least for the time it takes you to realize that there are most often shadowy ramifications that'll most surely arise from this "miss" in the game of fairness.  In my way of believing and from the harsh reality of literally experiencing it just the same there are always repercussions that do just that as they come right back at YOU.  This is why it's of tantamount importance to have a consistent evenhandedness in every decision we make especially at moments of weakness brought on by stress and the sometimes paralyzing pain that comes right along with it.  It's at these times we're at our most vulnerable as the human condition dictates that we'll do anything to get rid of pain whether it's already here or even when we're feeling it coming and it's not even here yet.  What happens at this point is compromise, serious compromise often times of what we know is the right thing to do.  We look just a tad the other way make our decision and go about our way as if it's all just a-ok.  Well, it isn't and inside our hearts we know that's the case and to live with that cutting and subtly burning feeling inside is just bad with a capital b.

So, what's the solution?  That's ultimately for each of us to decide for ourselves yet for me it's taking the path of self-respect and respect for others and choosing integrity.  And, should we falter and completely fail at times knowing we have and admitting it to ourselves is essential.  And, critically ever so important as well is to admit to those we have hurt in our moment of weakness and wrong decision.  Truly expressing our sincere apology and opening ourselves up to doing what is right to make everything whole again is the path to redemption.  I have found myself making this subtle mistake even recently with the pain of growth as the poor excuse in hindsight and for that I am most regretful and will do whatever it takes to restore balance and never let it happen again.

Make the turning of the calendar to this new year of 2012 your time for being who you know you really can and must be with the gifts you've been so graciously given and be the shining example we all know we can be just the same.  After all if you're fair to yourself can you imagine how the whole entire world will treat you in kind?   Now that's just beautiful.

Are you being FAIR to yourself as you set goals?

Giving yourself a fair share of your time and focus is critical. Your goals and dreams are important! They deserve the same amount of planning and attention that you give to every one else. Being sure we are investing in the efforts and people that are in alignment to our values, will bring a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. A sense of fairness to ourselves and the world will be clear.

I have found that when I am being fair with my time, meaning, giving time to the right things and the right people, I feel good! We want to make it complicated, yet after years of being a coach, I have found personally and with my clients that simple planning is the key!!

Stepping back to inventory where we are and set sights on where we want to go, requires a faith in oneself and a process. I have worked with a myriad of individuals and organizations to accomplish this sometimes daunting task. It takes faith in oneself and colleagues to know that the initial investment of time will be put to the test by creating ongoing accountability to the goals and tasks initially committed to.

Research proves people who invest time in planning are successful and are more successful when they are documented. Daily or weekly planning rituals foster accomplishing more. Stephan Covey, has spend his career educating hundreds of thousands on these "Habits". He is successful because he walks his talk and has actively created tools that he and his organization use routinely. He is a highly respected leader because these are well designed and flawlessly executed. He has created an online tool that supports the creation of goals and accountability that are affective and easy to use.

My deciding what is a priority and then actually making all investments of time, money and passion follow from there allow me to feel confident in my decisions. I am able to stand behind the decisions and follow through with conviction and integrity, when I am sure they align to my values and those of our organization. Alignment of our values and investments requires time and consideration. It asks us to communicate and collaborate with all involved. It is the

As you step forward in making setting your goals and those for your organization, are you being fair to all involved in the goal? Can each person understand and agree to what is being agreed to? Do they have the resources to accomplish the goal. Do they have the management support needed? Being fair means you have considered these components.

Often we are focused on